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~stopping the bully you love~
       Recognizing the Family Serial Bully
 
After a family breakdown, it may not be a simple matter to identify the reasons, but many histories of family breakdown begin with a Family Serial Bully (the FSB) and one targeted individual. Earnest reflection will reveal one or a string of family Targets that now resist or have abandoned their participation in family gatherings. Earnest investigation will also reveal the same antagonist operating within every story.
 
The Family Serial Bully (the FSB) is the one you grew up loving, and he or she is out to destroy the life of another someone you love, perhaps your own. Not driven nor trained to do so, the FSB seeks to destroy a life for no better reason than the addictive entertainment it provides them. Family Bully Exposed aims to bring to light the subtle and multi-layered Attack-Defence used by the FSB and to answer such questions as…
 
Would you recognize Family Serial Bullying?
Are you the Target of a Family Serial Bully (an FSB)?
Are you unwittingly aiding and abetting an FSB?
Are you raising an FSB?
Are you in a position to stop an FSB?
And, while the FSB slanders and discredits your brother, or a sister, a nephew or niece, your father, your mother, and even their own children… Why do you still love them?
 
Stop, and take pride in the fact that the last disconcerting question is about your ability to love, not the FSB’s willingness to be lovable. And then, accept the fact that, no matter who they are in your life, be they your child, your sibling, your parent, or your spouse, the FSB is absolutely unmoved by your feelings for them.
Serial bullies lack the ability to empathize. Highly intelligent and knowing what’s expected of them, they can mimic the ‘look’ of empathy, but do not ‘feel’ it. It has been recently theorized that this seemingly inborn lack of empathy may be associated with a condition of autism or Asperger syndrome similar to ‘mind-blindness’, a term coined by Professor Simon Baron-Cohen of Cambridge University.
 
A lack of empathy, natural or otherwise, does not excuse the behaviours of the FSB. It does not excuse their choice to abandon moral and ethical constraints with only one or a few people, while they are quite able to exhibit such constraints when it suits them.
To an FSB, an emotion is a tool used to control, manipulate and punish. You must accept the fact that when you tell the FSB you love them, they will assume you are attempting to manipulate them, because that is what they would do.
 
Psychologists the world over define the serial bully as a truly dangerous Predatory Sociopath. Serial bullying is classified in the same league as abuse, molestation, rape, and paedophilia; Crimes which begin with the conscious choice to abandon humanity and terrorize a fellow creature. The Family Serial Bully is the raptor of all bullies, perpetually guarding themselves from exposure, perpetually on the hunt for more prey, and a cannibal by nature, preying on their closest friends, all the while, taking full advantage of their most useful weapon; that being the family’s inability to believe such a nature exists anywhere, let alone behind a familiar face.
 
 
The FSB is not a Narcissist
The definition of a serial bully is often confused or blended with that of the narcissist and though they exhibit similarities, they are not the same.
 
But, you will find that, in court, narcissism and serial bullying are defined as one, Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD. If you become involved in a legal case against a serial bully, (such as a restraining order, divorce, or assignment of custody), to properly defend yourself, you must also be educated about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Take the time to find a lawyer who is experienced in litigation involving NPD. Though our courts do not yet recognize the differences between serial bullying and narcissism, many lawyers and judges do acknowledge that it does not always take two to keep an embattled argument going. There is a growing understanding that one party has been forced into action again and again only to protect themselves from the continual unfounded attacks from the other.
 
Narcissism and serial bullying can be distinguished by these important differences. Firstly, a narcissist may have limited, but at least some amount of the innate ability to empathize with their Target(s), whereas the serial bully as none and can only learn to mimic the look of empathy when it serves them to do so. Secondly,  unlike the narcissist, the FSB was neither an abused, neglected nor abandoned child; quite the opposite. The FSB was the pampered child; the child that ‘got away with it’.
 
Narcissism is a psychological medical condition resulting from repetitive childhood trauma which may be alleviated with psychiatric intervention and support. But the FSB is not driven nor trained to be abusive. The FSB knows what they’re doing is wrong. To bully is their conscious decision each and every time. In every situation it is their choice, just as it is yours or mine, to act with or without kindness and respect. Unlike you or I, the FSB consistently chooses lies, deception and hate toward only one or a few people. Their ability to anticipate and then respond with what their listeners wish to hear can fool all but the most experienced professionals. 
 
A narcissist deals with the matter before them and dispels it from thought as soon as they have their way or are distracted by another issue. To a narcissist, Targets are insignificant. When they are out of the 'line of fire', they are also out of mind. The FSB on the other hand, is always plotting their next opportunity. While they work to control the life of their Target(s), hatred in fact controls their own. The FSB's desire to control, manipulate and punish is tantamount to an addiction. At first, their choice to abuse another is simply a means to an end. Later the resulting traumas provide irresistible gratification. But eventually, creating scenarios to justify their unrelenting hatred is necessary to avoid exposure.
 
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